Friendships are often one of the most fulfilling and supportive relationships we can have. However, not all friendships are created equal. Sometimes, what seems like a close friendship can turn out to be something more toxic and damaging, especially when you’re dealing with a narcissistic friend. Understanding the signs of a narcissistic friend can help you protect your well-being and make informed decisions about the relationships you maintain.
1. They Dominate Conversations
A hallmark of a narcissistic friend is their need to steer every conversation back to themselves, or their goals. Whether you're sharing a personal story or discussing mutual interests, a narcissistic friend will often interrupt, redirect, or simply monopolise the conversation. Their focus remains firmly on their achievements, problems, their goals, or their desires, leaving little room for your voice to be heard.
2. Lack of Empathy
Empathy is a key component of any healthy relationship. However, a narcissistic friend often struggles to show genuine concern for your feelings. They may dismiss your emotions, fail to recognise when you’re upset, or even belittle your experiences. This lack of empathy makes it challenging to feel supported or understood in the friendship. This may be done to shut down a conversation they can’t be bothered to have, or in a more sadistic sense it can be used to knock you down a peg or two, which reinforces their own self-aggrandisement.
3. They Exploit You for Personal Gain
Narcissistic friends often see others as tools to be used for their benefit. This can manifest in various ways, such as constantly borrowing money without repayment, demanding your time without reciprocation, or leveraging your connections to advance their own goals. Over time, you may start to feel like you’re being used rather than valued.
4. Constant Need for Validation
Narcissists crave admiration and validation from those around them. Your friend may fish for compliments, exaggerate their achievements, or seek constant reassurance. When this need isn’t met, they may react with anger or sulking, making you feel as though you’ve failed them in some way. When you don't meet their need for validation, they may often seek to punish you in some way.
5. They’re Jealous of Your Other Relationships
A narcissistic friend often expects to be the centre of your universe. They may become jealous or resentful when you spend time with others, criticising your relationships or attempting to isolate you. This jealousy can manifest in subtle ways, such as passive-aggressive comments, or more malicious behaviours, such as trying to turn you against other friends or loved ones - this tactic is known as triangulation.
6. They Act Entitled
Entitlement is another significant sign of narcissism. A narcissistic friend may believe they deserve special treatment and may become enraged when things don’t go their way. This could mean expecting you to drop everything to attend to their needs, or becoming furious if you cancel plans. They are not interested in what you want from the friendship, it's all about them
7. They Rarely Show Genuine Remorse
When a narcissistic friend hurts you, they often avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Instead of offering a sincere apology, they might deflect, deny, or even blame you for being too sensitive. Any apologies you do receive are likely to be superficial and aimed at regaining your favour, rather than expressing true regret, because they feel bad.
8. They Have Unreasonable Expectations
Narcissists often expect their friends to meet their every demand, no matter how unreasonable. Whether it’s expecting you to be available 24/7 or to support them unconditionally regardless of their behaviour, these expectations can be draining and overwhelming.
9. They Use "Flying Monkeys" to try and Manipulate You
In many cases, a narcissistic friend may employ “flying monkeys" to do their bidding (a term derived from The Wizard of Oz). These are mutual friends or acquaintances who the narcissist manipulates into supporting their version of events or pressuring you to conform to their demands. This tactic can make you feel isolated and bullied within your social circle. This tactic, along with triangulation (mentioned above) is often used to start smear campaigns against you. Unfortunately in today's world, social media means that smear campaigns are now farther reaching.
10. You Feel Drained After Interactions
Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with friends. Do you come away feeling pleased, content, or fulfilled after seeing your friend? Or do you come away feeling irritated, ignored, and drained? Perhaps the most telling sign is how you feel after spending time with friends. Narcissistic friends often leave you feeling emotionally exhausted, frustrated, or diminished. The constant need to manage their ego, listen to their self-centred narratives, and meet their expectations can be incredibly taxing for most people.
If you believe you may be involved in a narcissistic friendship or relationship and need help navigating it, please reach out for support - get in touch today.
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